who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
