we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
