You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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