We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
