Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
