So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
