Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
