he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
