so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
