when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
