I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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