alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
