my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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