maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
