My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
