His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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