So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
