the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
