I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
