How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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