i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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