Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
