I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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