Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
