I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize