my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
