I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
