We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
