He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
