someone get that fucking seahorse.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
