I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
