Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
