hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
