you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
