That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
