I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who died my cat blue again?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
