i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Still dying that you shit outside
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
