If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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