bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
