So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We left the knife in your bed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
