he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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