Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
