i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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