You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
