I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
