I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
