Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
