When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
