Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
