return my video game
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
