I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
