the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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