I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Non-Jews are for practice
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
