You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
