Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
