hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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