She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
