Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
