Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
