Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
