apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
