he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
