OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
