She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
