i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
