But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
