I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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