Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My bed smells like the plague
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
