Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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