Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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