Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
