Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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