She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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