We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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