I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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